Just the Facts Ma’am

| by B.E.H. |

The facts are simple: I am a 35 years old, single, white, female. I live in a city I love, surrounded by people I love. I have a six-figure income, steady employment, and health insurance. I have an incredible family that has always been there to support me. I am self-reliant, smart, adventurous, and when I want to be pragmatic. I am pregnant.

Suddenly the only fact that matters is the decision I have to make about the life growing inside of me. Facts are coming from every angle. I’m not married. Heck, I’m not even in a relationship with the father. I ended it two weeks ago, before I even knew about the pregnancy. The fact is I didn’t see a life with this man. He is someone I cared a lot about, but I didn’t know if he had the emotional capacity to care about me in the ways I needed. And now I am saddled with the fact that I might force him into the choice of having to care about his child.

Another fact, he thinks the best decision is an abortion. I can see and understand every point he makes. They are intelligent and logical. He never said it, but I know in his heart he’s not ready to be a parent. He loves all the facts that makes up his life. He doesn’t want to be forced into change. I barely know the guy, but what I do know is that he likes consistency and routine. Everything a child is not. The fact is I feel like three lives hang in the balance of my decision.

The fact is I have to make a choice. A choice that could equal a lifetime of consequences. Could I ever look into the face of my child and wish they weren’t there? If I traded the chance to be a mother for trips around the world, sunny patio happy hours, and the chance to be spontaneous on a whim, is it worth it? My life would be different. Is the difference of chasing a toddler, teaching my child to ski and read and ride a bike something that wouldn’t bring me incredible joy and gratitude? I have the opportunity to take a life and help them grow into becoming a self-confident, thoughtful and adventurous soul that might invoke real change in this world. I have the chance to see life all over again through a little person’s eyes. To have those little eyes look up at me and call me Mama.

The fact is I am faced with an impossible decision. How do you make it? Are you logical about it and look at the plain and simple facts? Or, do you say hell to the facts, I’m leading with my heart.

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