Struggling to Believe the Truth
| by Anonymous |
It’s been too long. Too stinkin’ long that I’ve been locked in this prison. These lies are shackles around my hands and feet, heavy like a burden.
The burden, it’s like nothing else I’ve felt. I carry it around on my shoulders without giving it a second thought. Wait, you mean that’s not supposed to be there? Here I stand, day after day, in front of the mirror praying, hoping, dreading. My eyes catch on each imperfection, I can count on all of them to still be there, glaring at me in the reflection.
And the pain, that’s what always gets me. The pain that lingers after each bite, each step, and each calorie burned or consumed. The pain that comes with the realization that I’ll never be enough.
Except I could be. If. The word haunts me. If only I didn’t eat that. If I only could run more. If only ____. It doesn’t matter. Really, anything but reality is what I want.
Invisible, that’s it. Maybe if no one looks, the flaws, the pain and the guilt will go unnoticed.
Wait, just one more bite, I tell myself. Then I’ll be satisfied.
But it’s only after I pass the point of no return that I realize my efforts are futile. Because the hole I’m trying to fill, it’s only getting deeper.
It’s a trap. I know pursuing these lies will drag me down, farther and farther, until I’m too weak, too distracted, and too desperate to get up.
There it is again. But really, if only we were told the truth.
I use ‘we’ because I know I am not alone. I speak for all the girls entangled in the lies and the what ifs. I speak for the girls fighting the battle to be what we’re not. Because what we are isn’t ever enough.
But it is.
The pain is real. The lies are real. The battle is real. I know, I’ve been there. I am there – where the lies of the world consume you until you are nothing. And it’s painfully heavy, OH is it heavy to carry the weight of the lies on your shoulders.
So this is me, your sister, begging you to surrender. Those lies- they’re never going to be true. YOU are beautiful. YOU are lovable. YOU are enough.